The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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