so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
