vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
