Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
