it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
