Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
