Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
