so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
