she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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