he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Boobs are out for the taking
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
