I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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