BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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