There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
