what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
