it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
