I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
