Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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