I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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