You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
