Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
