I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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