Three words: puerto rican gang bang
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
