Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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