she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
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I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
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You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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