Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
