i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
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Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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