Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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