so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
