To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
