im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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