you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
