my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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