1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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