I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
