The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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