I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
