Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.