The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel