would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex