so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day