i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
