I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
