i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
