so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
