im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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