Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
