i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
