she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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