Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
