going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
