Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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