Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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