so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize