Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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