Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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