so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
