How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When are your genitals available?
A bitchslap is in order.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
