I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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