**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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