Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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