walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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