Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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