cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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