Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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