Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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