So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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