i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
